Our Team
Meet the people who make the magic happen. And by "magic," we mean insurance fraud. This team was assembled not for their skills, but for their inability to be hired anywhere else. Together, they form a unit that functions less like a well-oiled machine and more like a car on fire rolling down a steep hill.
Chazz "The Auteur" Worthington
Chazz dropped out of film school after 3 days because the professor told him he couldn't film an entire movie with the lens cap on. He is currently financing the studio with his grandmother's trust fund and a very sketchy crypto-currency called "CineCoin."
Founder / CEO / Chief Pyrotechnics OfficerQuote: "Focus is a bourgeois construct."
Brenda "The Butcher" Higgins
Brenda edits movies using a chainsaw and Microsoft Excel. She believes continuity is for cowards. She once cut a 90-minute rom-com down to 7 minutes of screaming and a single shot of a pigeon.
Head of Post-ProductionQuote: "If the audio syncs, I haven't done my job."
Director of Vibes & Craft Services"River"
No last name. No permanent address. River is responsible for sourcing props (stealing from neighbors) and catering (mostly expired ramen and loose cigarettes).
Quote: "The flavor profile of this scene needs more... sawdust."
Chief Safety Ignorer / Stunt CoordinatorGareth "The Liability" O'Connor
Gareth believes gravity is merely a suggestion. He was fired from his last job as a crash test dummy for being "too aggressive." He coordinates all stunts using a complex system of nods, winks, and structural duct tape.
Quote: "Bones heal. Footage is forever."